first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
