Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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