I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
