chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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