i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
