the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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