I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
4 words: hood of his car
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
