i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
