He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
