woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
