I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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