okay pat passed out under dana's car
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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