Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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