Your face is a jimmy john
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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