You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
