ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
