Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As shirtless as possible
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
