nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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