Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
