with your own penis?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
