she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
