I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
