i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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