Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
