Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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