i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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