Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
