I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my being single is dangerous.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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