seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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