We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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