My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
