I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize