final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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