i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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