If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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