I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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