Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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