I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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