do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
