dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
