Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
