Can i not drive my cunt home
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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