Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
