So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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