I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize