Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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