if you like me you must not know who I am
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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