Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's just like the Real World with babies
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
