I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
