This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
