those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
