Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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