You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
