Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
