mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
