I wanna bring you to show and tell
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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