I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
smell my finger.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"