ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
