Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
