I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
