I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
