I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
