on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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