They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
