hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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