If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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