i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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