I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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