she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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