i think my tv is drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
