mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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