Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
