She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
