Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
