she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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