dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
