His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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