and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
