he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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