So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
