based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everclear isn't food dammit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
