Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
