did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
